Thursday, January 20, 2011

Friends and Sex Part 2 - A.

Hey everyone! Here's part two on friends and how they suck. At least, when it comes to sex.

I respect my friends. I choose them carefully and don't go around willy-nilly saying "Oh, you're kinda cool. I guess you can be a friend." No. If you aren't awesome, you're out. I don't settle when it comes to people who will probably influence me and S. But I've realized that most of them are ignorant about sexuality and sex in general. I have a few friends who are incredibly sex-positive and non-vanilla, but the half that isn't are so ignorant that they make up for the rest of my friend's intelligence. Below are some of their beliefs and why they are wrong. S. did a good job formatting her post, so I'm gonna follow her guidelines.

1. Physical interaction is not important. This is totally not true. They (being the ignorant friends) believe that either they don't need to be too touchy because they don't crave it or because they feel like it's wrong or bad. It is important. Physical contact releases hormones and chemicals in the body that bond you to the other person you are touching. Those chemicals also can help battle depression and some studies have shown that it can improve your immune system. IT IS PHYSICALLY IMPORTANT TO YOUR HEALTH IN LIFE AND IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO HAVE TOUCH. If you don't, it won't be catastrophic, but it won't be beneficial at all. Touch is good. I know your mommy and daddy and priest and minister and super-conservative friends and family have told you otherwise. Please listen to me: Do what you want. Set boundaries and touch. Let go of that guilt. It's okay to touch your partner! It can even help! Just go google it. I will let you decide what to do. If you aren't super touchy, and you're doing okay, you will continue to do okay. But touch will not hurt. It can only improve (with a few exceptions).

2. Condoms protect against 100% of STD's no matter what. FALSE. HPV can be transmitted and received even with condoms, since it takes skin-on-skin contact, and condoms only cover the majority of the penis shaft and/or the inside of the vagina with female condoms. If any other skin area is exposed, and that area has any infection of HPV, and that other infected skin touches someone else, they can get infected. You can also get STD's from fresh blood getting into your body (I'm talking really fresh. It's not dangerous after a certain period of time. This is for if your friend gets a cut and you get that blood in your body somehow and they are positive, you should go get tested just in case), using the same injection needle after an infected person uses it, and transfer of other bodily fluids between partners. And if you don't use a condom correctly it can offer little to no protection. And lambskin condoms cannot always protect against diseases, since the spaces between the molecules in the condom are big enough to allow some viruses to pass through.

3. Sex/physical interaction shouldn't be talked about. UMMMM....no. Go talk to your partner about your physical life. If you haven't then JEEPERS CREEPERS GO FREAKING DO IT RIGHT NOW. You will improve your relationship, physical life, emotional life, lighten your guilt, and bring out buried feelings. Even if nothing is different post-talk, it will help you both. Sex is Fun did a "sexual inventory" worksheet that I highly recommend to help get those talks started.

4. My partner doesn't want me to touch him/her (Insert body part here). Sometimes partners are less outward with their emotions resulting from physical touch. Ask them! Maybe they get crazy pleasure about it and just don't show it outwardly. And if you haven't, ask them if you can. Do it beforehand, then again in the heat of the moment. They will then have fair warning and will be more comfortable, i.e. More willing to let you do whatever you want.

5. Multiple partner stuff won't happen until later in life. Ummmmm no. There are people looking for a couple to please them, both male and female. Get out and ask around! You'd be surprised!

6. I don't need sex toys right now. Girls and guys, go with your partner to a sex toy store with a budget and talk to an employee. Your first sex toy will probably be a vibrator. If you are just starting out, get the Hitachi Magic Wand. It's durable, flexible, and tried and true. It will last and will not break. It's small, quiet, powerful, and feels really good on your back and privates!

I'll probably think of more later. For now, I've gotta study. MIDI 1 is kicking my butt.

-A.

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