Making Time - A.

I've been a busy man.

I have a lot of work that has come to me recently. This is great, as I've had many awesome late nights running sound for cool people and my coming paychecks will be large. This is also coinciding with the height of summer, and gas prices dropping. I couldn't be happier financially, and I've been running around enjoying freedom with my happy wallet. All this has happened without crimping our time together. I still see S. four or five days out of the week, same as always, and we get the same amount of time on average.

But we have been slacking on intimacy.

So once again, we are at a point where we must make a conscious effort to hold intimacy as a priority. We are both in agreement on this, which is the only reason this is working. If we were not in agreement about this, it would easily fail. We will avoid going out if it means some intimate time, we lounge shirtless to get the sexy mood flowing, we swim and stay close to one another, shower together if possible... Basically try and bring a sexual atmosphere into our lives more and more.

My main point is not the individual ways we are ushering in intimacy. I am not posting to try and tell you all that showering together is sexy, or that leaving little hot notes for one another is a great libido boost. If you are creative at all, you can figure these things out*.

My main point is that if you feel your spark waning, you need to sit down and lay out the fact that you need to consciously make intimacy an important part of your lives again. You may not want to, you may not feel like it, but sit down and say it.
With your words.
Out loud.
Say what you've been feeling without accusing, and remind your significant other that you are both on the same team. Use that term too. Actually say "We are on the same team". It's such a simple statement that reminds people in conflict that your partner is someone you chose out of your own free will, and is your friend. Work together.

Then, try and talk out some ways to attain what you want. Talk it out, write it down, set it as your alarm title on your phone so it'll remind you. Just talk to each other and stay calm, and soon your intimate life will blossom again.

The worst thing you could do is not say anything. Expecting the other person to pick up on the vibes you're feeling and change it will lead you to conflict, guaranteed. Trying to work it out on unspoken agreements and terms will leave it ambiguous and not get you results. And resenting one another while making no effort to change the situation will make you both miserable losers who could soon be single with some new baggage to lump onto your next partner. Take your pick.

Sometimes, plain old diplomacy is the sexiest choice. Sexy, sexy politics.
-A.


*For those who aren't feeling so creative, a post with ideas for sex, dates, and fun with others will be in the works soon.