Today, I'm gonna talk about me and S.'s experience with some of the most effective and least sexy sex toys. In the same way that the largest sex organ we have as humans isn't our genitals, but our minds, the sex toys that get the most return aren't the ones on the shelf at SexWorld, Smitten Kitten, or Extreme Restraints. So without any more rambling, here's my top ten picks for the best unsexy sex toys! We've used a majority of these, but not all of them since we are long-distance.

#5 - A pen and paper

Those of you who actually have read back on our posts will know that S. gave me an incredibly hot scavenger hunt around her apartment by leaving clues on scraps of paper that led me to all her clothing hanging up on doors or on the floor, and ending with her wearing boyshorts and a silk robe and lying on a big bed. Okay, so maybe it was texts and not paper, but still! We've also drawn hot little drawings for each other, written sexy notes, and had a ton of fun with it! A pad of paper and a mechanical pencil or pen has a ton of possibilities. Have you ever thought about hiding sexy notes in your partner's lunch, clothing, bag, or on their computer? You'll drive them crazy by tantalizing them all day, and bonus points if you include some sexy drawings. That's why a pen and some paper gets the number five spot.

#4 - A list of chores/responsibilities

Do you have a partner who doesn't seem to have any time for intimacy? Do they seem distracted or anxious about getting things done after they're done with having pleasure with you? Then get off your butt and fix it! Do their chores, or do something that they usually take on. Take on some of their responsibilities for once, and try to shoulder some of their work. If you do it before they get home, you are so set for some action. Call that friend and schedule some stuff! Pick them up that stuff from the store they need! You'll find that not only do they have more time, but they will be more relaxed since they're not worrying about what they have to do after sex/intimacy.

#3 - Dress shirt

Every guy has some dress shirts. They're usually the same old button down shirt that everyone wears. Not too sexy, right? WRONG!!!!!
Men - ZZ Top had it right: Ladies go crazy for a sharp dressed man. I know plenty of people have different tastes in fashion, but a majority of men and women like a man who doesn't dress completely formally, but looks nice. Try getting up, shaving, showering, and dressing in something pretty nice, complete with a well-fitting dress shirt for your next date instead of just jeans and a t-shirt. Also, some partners like you to pull a Hasselhoff and unbotton it like halfway down. Try leaving the shirt on during intimacy and just unbottoning it. It'll feel new and exciting and makes a convinent wrist restraint or blindfold.

Women - WEAR HIS SHIRT. Do it with nothing else on. Do it with some cute lingerie or some shorts or even pajamas. Unbotton it. Leave it bottoned. Wear it out with friends. Wear it at home just for him. Put it on and go take a shower. Leave it on during sex. It's a total turn on, it's cute, and guys and girls just LOVE it! No matter what you do with it, without it, or in it, almost everyone loves a little girl in a men's button down.

#2 - A chaise

This little piece of furniture has offerend us so many positions it's almost unbelievable. Really, look up a picture of the avergage chaise and just picture all the things you can do. Liberator needs to make a sex chaise. For now, if you own one, go try it out. It's seriously versatile to the extreme.

#1 - Gym membership or workout program.

This is the number one sex toy. Why? No other sexy toy can promise all the following:
More energy
Make you more attractive to people, not the least of which your partner
An increase in testosterone, and indirectly libido
To make you feel sexier and more attractive
Help you live longer so you can have more sex

It also gives you the excuse to go and spend some time together moving, gets some good-feeling endorpins, and gives you an excuse to have some sweaty intimate time, as well as some shower fun.
I know even 30 minutes a day seems like too much time for some people, but it's good for you, necessary for good health, and will truly boost your sex life.


-A.