This post is on something I lack. Or rather, lack with everyone but S.
I am not cut out for that show "The Jersey Shore". Mainly because I'm not Italian or a man-whore. And I don't like fake boobs. And I would rather run through a hallway full of handheld stun guns than voluntarily listen to hip hop at a club. But it's also because I lack the confidence to be that cocky. Those guys think that they are the bomb-dot-com. They really believe they are all that and a bag of sexy. They flirt and go out and point at the cameras and yell and fist bump with so much swagger that it hurts your eyes to stare directly at it. And these guys who are that cocky somehow manage to be the biggest ladies men in the world, from grade school on. I was never them.
I'm not saying that it's always a bad thing. I'm sure everyone has known people who are both confident and exceedingly shallow. It's healthy to realize you can improve yourself in some way, as long as you don't go overboard and start to criticize yourself too much. I'm saying this from experience. I've always been a bit quiet, a bit shyer in new situations, and a little uncomfortable in my own skin. I've only recently, like in the last three or four years, been able to gain some self confidence in who I am.
I'm saying this because of something amazing that happened to me while I was with S.
I have poor body image, thank to my slow metabolism. And I'm not talking "oh, I can't instantly burn off four donuts worth of calories just by sitting here" slow. I actually had to take medication as a kid because of how slow it was. So my weight and body fat percentage can vary wildly. After two years of going to the gym for an hour six days a week it's finally starting to even out.
A few months back, however, it was still being fussy. So one week I put on four pounds of fat almost overnight. And I didn't feel great about it. The next day I was going to see S., and I felt bloated. And sure enough, when I got there, we were alone for the whole day, meaning that shirts came off. She went into the bathroom to change into a cute blue bikini top, and something strange happened.
I took off my shirt to surprise her.
Notice that I said "surprise her". I specifically took off my shirt and layed back on the bed so when she came out she'd get a great view. It was.... strange.
I NEVER feel that way. At least never before. I was NEVER the guy who thought that he looked good. I didn't like my face until S. and I started to flirt. And my body, up until that point, was always slightly a point of embarrassment. I always wear shirts when I swim in public and I meticulously try on clothes over and over to find the one that fits right. I never really felt... sexy. But right then something clicked, and I took my shirt off and almost posed on the bed. And when S. came out she said "YUM!", which was the best validation I could have ever gotten. Me, with my newly found fat around my stomach, got a "YUM!" out of a blonde curvy bombshell of a girl!
Ever since then, I still struggle with self-confidence out in the world. I still wear a shirt out in public, even when I was swimming with a group of middle and high schoolers on a mission trip I volunteered to help lead. But something has changed. As soon as I'm with S., I become more confident. And when we are alone, I gain this boost of confidence that's almost unnatural. I do sexy dances and stripteases for her (which she honestly loves. I've heard her brag to her friends about it, so I know she isn't just saying it for my benefit. And really she never lies to me, so I can trust her with all my goofy secrets. I'm even comfortable with *GASP* rocking out with an air guitar in the car in front of her!!!!). I take charge. We have fantasies where she is totally submissive to my every little desire, and in real life I can be so dominant and in charge she has to specify whenever she wants to take charge and have me be submissive. When I'm straddling her and taking off my shirt I feel kinda sexy!!!! This is a huge deal for me!!!! I've never felt that way before in my life!!! And now with this girl I'm having fantasies where her and another girl are pleasing me in any way I want and I'm ordering them around like little sex slaves!!! I am Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!!! By day I'm an acoustic guitar playing, quiet songwriter, and by night a dominant guy doing stripteases and talking dirty to my girlfriend!
I'm gonna talk to people out there who are in my predicament. Maybe you don't have the confidence to show your partner your body, or at least certain parts of it. The world and media has spoon fed us images of girls without tan lines and curves and guys with caveman pecs and six packs and called it "normal" and "the ideal body". Real people don't have fake boobs, no body fat, a personal trainer and multi-story gym to sculpt their obliques, separate saving funds for collagen and face lifts, body oil to make your biceps glisten, or hours a day to spend on a treadmill. We have to make due with home-workout programs rec center gyms with their duct-taped weight machines, bargain bras and diets consisting of whatever's in the pantry until next payday.
But confidence is everything.
Guys should have more confidence in who they are. I read a quote from Bono about him talking to his partner Ali about himself, and he said "I would always say 'I wish I was more like this' or 'I wish I was more like that' and Ali would look at me like I was stupid and say 'Well I don't. I kinda like who you are right now. You're the man I fell in love with.'" (If you say this to your partner he will absolutely melt!!!!). Guys: when you are in a committed relationship, it's okay to start to feel sexier.
The best way to start that is to try a dance or striptease. It can be as simple as taking off your shirt slowly and talking dirty. I know it'll feel goofy at first, but just push through it. It might not be your thing, so if it isn't, try and find some small activity to do that makes you feel sexy, whether it's masturbating for your partner, writing some erotica starring yourself, swimming/taking a bath, ect. Find something small to do, then build off of that! soon enough you'll have a bit more confidence. I'm not going to promise anything magical to happen, don't get me wrong. But it can't hurt to try something new!
Girls, NEVER LAUGH AT YOUR GUY IF HES TRYING SOMETHING NEW TO FEEL SEXY. I'm not even going to go into how emotionally scarring this can be. Maybe he can laugh it off well, sure, but PLEASE don't risk it. And a compliment on his body can make his day. Guys crave those positive words JUST AS MUCH as girls do. I don't know why no one admits this. But seriously, do him a favor. He calls you beautiful and sexy a lot, return the favor. It'll mean so much more to him. He hasn't been called sexy or hot by random girls through his life (most likely). He hasn't had as much reinforcement from his friends either, since guys don't talk about that kind of stuff often. Even if he doesn't show it, he could use a little verbal pick-me-up any day.
And for girls who aren't confident in their bodies: YOUR GUY THINKS YOU ARE SEXY. If he has kissed you, given you long hugs, and told you that you are good looking, YOU ARE TO HIM. I swear, if you don't believe all those compliments, you are DAFT. Get it through your heads: IF YOUR GUY HAS CALLED YOU GOOD LOOKING HE IS SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE AND A GUARANTEE HE BOTH THINKS YOU'RE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN ANY OTHER GIRL AND THINKS YOU'RE SO SEXY HE HAS JACKED OFF TO IT MULTIPLE TIMES. You're sexy enough to get him off.
Try playing with a body part that you do think is nice. Choose one: legs, butt, stomach, breasts, ect. Then focus in on it. Then add in another body part for a few seconds. If you're trying to focus on your butt, guide your partner's hand down your shirt without taking it off for a minute then go back to your butt. I promise you, your man wants to touch your boobs and suck your nipples. I don't care who you are, no guy is powerless against breasts.
These are really just guidelines. If you don't have confidence, and I'm being serious, feel free to message me on here or text me if you happen to know who I really am and have my number. I hate to see people with poor self-image because I know how debilitating it can be. Please write in and I will be here to listen =)
-A.
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