Phone sex is an intimacy that crosses great distances. So many couples table intimacy when one person leaves for a day or more and the other person is not with them. It's easy to talk on the phone, never do anything intimate, and save it all for when they get back. I know that the anticipation and waiting can be so thrilling when you finally see your partner and all those hormones are built up, but in my opinion after about three days waiting is the wrong decision. When looking back at your life, wouldn't you like to know you took as many opportunities as you could to show your partner your love through intimacy?
One of the biggest barriers that couples run up against is that they don't know how to initiate phone sex in their relationship. It can feel awkward or silly at first. I still have moments where initiating it isn't exactly smooth. And even as recently as a week or two ago, I was having awkward feelings during a fantasy and phone sex. It's definitely gotten better over time, but occasionally it's still a weird feeling. It's something new and unnatural for a lot of people. To some it comes naturally. I'm not one of the people to whom it does, so I do not know how that feels.
Step one is to initiate it.
There are some easy ways to do this. For those of you who are REALLY shy, try sending a few surprise sexy texts. Wait until your partner is gone for the day, then send them one or two really hot texts, preferably with as many details about your body and what you want and what you’re thinking as possible. S. and I love to do this to the other when we know they’re busy and have to keep a straight face, like while we’re out to lunch with another couple or when one or both of us are in church. The church one is sooo much fun! It feels so ironic to be horny Christians having a little fantasy during the sermon! And it makes any lesson from the pastor a bit more interesting. For those of you who don’t know what to say in a text, follow this outline to begin with:
“I was just thinking about your (hot adjective) (Sexy body part) and how much I want to (kiss, lick, caress, massage, rub, fuck, ect.) it. I’m thinking about you (sexy noise, like moan or growl) as I get more (Sexy adjective for arousal, like turned on, aroused, horny, desperate, ect) until I can’t take it anymore and I (Insert intense sexual act here). Have a great day honey! =)”
After that you can make up your own. Just get creative, and ACT. If you don’t know what to say make some sexy crap up and blurt it out in text. Choose random actions and body parts, like with sex dice.
Once you graduate to real phone sex, it’s pretty easy to initiate. Here are a few tips:
Take baths at the same time. This will relax you and set a sexy atmosphere.
Let out what you’re feeling!!! The more noise you make moaning, the better your sex will be!
When you’re first starting out, try mutual masturbation and describing what you’re doing.
If that’s too difficult, let someone else do the hard work. Trade off reading paragraphs out of some erotica (finding some stuff online will be easiest, unless you both buy/rent the same book).
Make up your own erotica! Have a fantasy, trade off, and pretend like your reading some hot erotica starring the two of you, but make it up as you go! This is me and S.’s favorite form of phone sex! It’s adventurous, unpredictable, fun, and sexy! We always decide on a detailed setting and what clothes we are wearing to make the fantasy more vivid.
When having phone sex, use your imagination! If your partner says “I’m grabbing my breast and leaning back”, picture her (or whatever movie star you fancy, if that’s how you roll) really leaning back and moving her hand slowly to her chest and massaging her breast. Zoom in on it in your head. Imagine it rising and falling with her breath. So often we become lazy with our fantasies. Break that habit! Make this something you truly strive to imagine!
Set aside that time. Get any other urgent discussions out of the way before you start. And do NOT start onto a tangent. Especially girls with a male partner. What you females might not understand is that this is even harder for a man to do than a woman. There are studies out there that prove it. In today’s age when men are supposed to have a six pack, ten inch cocks, perfect hair, and preferably be a vampire, it’s hard for guys to feel sexy. If you go off on ANY tangent, unless it’s a sexy one, you will kill his boner (yes, guys don’t walk around with constant erections no matter if you talk about boobs or politics). He will feel like you don’t want him at all, no matter how good the fantasy was up until that point. As soon as you start talking about your family or a TV show, you will have to work really hard to get the fantasy going again. And the longer you spend on the tangent, the worse it will be for him and you and your night.
Above all, let go!!! Act like you’re a porn star for the night! Put on a mask! You’re on the phone, which allows you to let your embarrassing sexy side out. And help your partner out. Make them comfortable, and respond positively to their efforts to be erotic and sensual on the phone. Don’t laugh or mock or just be like “Oh, is that it?” Be turned on! They are focusing on your pleasure! Don’t take that for granted, ever. And go have fun! This is a fun, sometimes silly, sometimes OMG hot pastime and way to have your intimacy span miles and miles. Have fun, and go rack up some minutes on your phones!
-A.
P.S. Ever thought of having some phone sex foreplay? Go into different rooms, close the doors, and have phone sex. When you’re both just too desperate, one of you quietly and without telling the other go and sneak into their room. They’ll see you open the door, and I promise you it will be a hot night for you both!
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